Three Jacks Won’t Play Part III

Three Jacks Won’t Play Part III….

I find my way to the 1st 2/5 NLHE table and set down all my crap, I have some work to do first because I am only allowed to buy in for $200.00 here and I have three full racks. I go cash in all but $200.00 and start getting settled when the guy right behind me in another game taps me on the shoulder and says, “You have enough room or what? I say, “Sure I’m good thanks”. He looks at me and says “you’re hilarious STOP bumping into my chair!” I respond with, it's not me buddy! He shoots back, “Well SOMEONE is pushing my chair!” I get up and point to my 2 unmolested stacks of red and no hand and say “I just got here 2 seconds ago, you want me to push you I will push you but I haven’t yet!” Oh?... and he turns around; I say, “jerk” and sit back down. Two minutes later he taps me again and says “Hey, sorry man” No problem, I just got out of prison and I don’t need any problems anyway. He was really polite to me the rest of the night, go figure.

I take a look around and who do I see in the number seven seat? It’s trip jacks from last night and he has about $500.00 something in front of him. He looks over and makes eye contact. I smile and he jumps out of his chair like he saw a ghost! He grabs an empty rack and announces to the whole table “I am sorry to win and leave but, I am NOT playing with Him!” he points right at me and continues with “I worked hard for this $300.00 and he will just take it from me, goodnight everyone”. Seat open on table 17! Now everyone is looking at me. What did you do to him? I am his monster under the bed. Every player wants to be feared; I have never had one actually run away before. Thanks kid you made my year.

Poker is a people game played with cards, not the other way around and that is truer in no limit than any other game. I like to keep that in mind at all times at the table, particularly when I am not in a hand. I like to talk and get to know the players at the table, plus I am here to have fun so why not visit? I will tell you why not, you talk too much to me and eventually will see into that place deep inside you and find that hidden thing you didn’t want me to see.

Meet Jim, he is a 24-year-old sitting to my left. After about 30 minutes of friendly play I have learned that he just graduated from college at Fresno State and now lives in a room he rents from a friend. Jim doesn’t have a job; he is just relaxing and having fun playing poker every day. Jim is a pro, not in the sense that he is THAT good, but he makes his sole income from playing poker (See: Grinder)

I know several guys that make their rent playing this 2/5 game; they buy in for $200.00 work up to about a rack and then cash out. Then, they wait the mandatory one-hour and buy back in for $200.00 thus protecting their winnings. Some of the guys I know do this a half a dozen times a night. I asked Jim, assuming this is what he was doing, “So how many times have you cashed in from this game today?” he misunderstood me and thought I was asking how many times did he reload today. The next little bit of information Jim shouldn’t have released was this: “This is still my original buy in from 2:00 this afternoon” it was 11:00 now; he had about $450.00 in front of him. I let it drop; nice job was all I said.

Here we are at 1:00 am and I have been having a whale of a time and have really made some nice gains. I have about a rack and a half or $750.00 plus or minus and a nice aggressive table image to go with it when this hand comes up. I am on the button with a 3&4 of clubs. Under the gun limps for $5.00 and that gets raised to $20.00, five others call. This could get fun. I call, Jim in the small blind raises $30.00 more and makes it $50.00 total. All six players involved call! I’m your huckleberry and I am certainly getting odds to call. (See: Dumb Moves) The flop comes down J47 with 2 clubs. Jim comes out with $50.00 and 2 players call, I make it 4 of us. The turn is a blank that is not a club and I need to find a way to slow this train down to see the river.

I turn to Jim and say, “be careful buddy I am on a monster draw”. I have been pretty vocal (I know, big surprise right?) he has seen me hang on and make a hand to bust out two players tonight so he knows I have to have something. He is unaffected by my ploy and bets out another $50.00. He should have made it much more, especially since I had position on him and TOLD him I was drawing at him. The other two players lose their nerve and it’s just me and the young pro. The river brings an 8 that isn’t a club and I turn to him and say in my most fatherly tone, “That’s your ass kid, you should have made a pot size bet on the turn, you let me draw out on you.”

The important thing to note here is that we had developed a poker table friendship and I have been complementing and congratulating his “great play” all night, we had become buddies. He said “really?” I responded with “save your money Jim”. Jim goes in the tank for about five minutes and says “if it was anyone else I wouldn’t believe it, but I have been watching you do it to guys all night, you have the 5 and the 6 don’t you?” I looked at him and smiled, my painting was complete and it looked like I had a buyer, “Do I look like the type of man that would play a 5&6 for $150.00?”

This really sucks, I check. I pulled back and brought out a stack of red and made it $100.00 to go. While Jim goes back in the tank here, let’s review. He is a tight young player renting a room from a buddy. He has been playing over ten hours now for a profit of around $250.00, plus he is very proud that he didn’t have to re- buy into this game even once. He already has $150.00 of that profit invested in the pot and the bet I just made erases any gain he has made for the whole night. He looks over at me for the 10th time, only this time he shakes his head and shows me his hand, pocket sevens! I don’t hesitate a second and again, like his old lost uncle I say, “You know where you are at, do what you need to do.” He tossed his hand in face up and said “Nice hand”. I tossed mine in right behind him and said “Good lay down”.

The table exploded “How do you lay down a set of sevens?” He said when you play as much as I do you know when you are beaten, plus I really don’t think he would lie to me.” Then he turned and looked at me. “You owe me one kid.” Yeah, I know. Thanks.


A people game played with cards…

Three Jacks Won’t Play Part II….

Three Jacks Won’t Play Part II….

Man was I ever hot last night; just hand over hand, I was a card rack for premium hands and when I got in tough shape with rags my slim out came home. What a night! I go to the poker room around 8:00 and the list is 45 minutes to an hour. Who the hell knows what that means. It could be a while. I decide to also put my name on the 15/30 and 30/60 limit list. I think about signing up for some lower limits, just to get in a game, but whenever I play in the lower games, I end up trying to run over the game. I always have a lot of fun doing that and I am normally positive at the end, but I don’t want to get stuck in “crazy mode” later in the big game and get it handed to me, so I pass.

I talk a walk around the poker room to see if any of my poker pals are around and get a peek at what the name brands are up to. First stop, the upper deck. The upper deck is now one of the second highest areas to play poker in Vegas. The number one being the new glass enclosed room they call “Bobby’s room”, after Bobby Baldwin. You need to really be a player to go in there, minimum 2000/4000 blinds limit or 100/200 no limit. The upper deck is now a place for the 10/20 no limit game, which is now 3 tables, two feeders and a main game most of the time. Tonight there was also an 80/160 hold’em and some 100/300 mixed that was short-handed in the corner. I ran into a staple of the poker world while I was walking, none other than poker Pete.

Pete is the nicest pro you will ever meet. A lifetime ago, Pete was a touring pro, but these days he is happy to grind out a very comfortable living in the 20/40 Omaha High/Low with a kill game. Sound nasty? It is, believe me. I have sat in that game before and it is deep water, plus it is ten handed and nine seats are filled with regulars like Pete. They spend all day beating on each other while waiting for some fish (See: Mark or Jason) to sit down in the open seat. Kaity bar the door when that happens, it is a blood bath and those guys pay their rent in about an hour and the confused donor has just learned a new poker term, “Dead Money”. I am chatting with Pete, who is normally not here this late in the evening and he explains he is stuck a “little”. My name gets called for the 15/30, I wish him luck and he says “Flop’em Dead”. I intend to, what a nice guy.

Table 36, right next to Bobby’s room, I look over to see Jennifer Harmon, Todd Brunson, Johnny Chan and Barry Greenstein through the window, No one is laughing in there. Oh well, I am unracking. I bought in for $500.00, my usual amount for this limit. I notice right away that we have two co-table captains in charge of the game and in three hands, I have spotted at least 5 solid calling stations and one fat guy in an orange polo with a black collar. I swear to God, he looks just like Fred Flintstone! Limit is a little different experience, especially with all these weak players calling every bet. Don’t try to make a move here boys, you will just need to be patient and show the best hand.


I just fall into my normal limit routine, order 1 coffee black & a Perrier, put in the left plug of my Ipod and just sit back and wait. I always listen to the same song over and over while I play, that way I don’t have to concentrate on a new song all the time and really it just provides a soundtrack to me busting someone out. Tonight’s theme is Let's Get It On, by Marvin Gaye, I get distracted sometimes and I actually find myself singing out loud, and that can get REALLY funny! I chose the song for the “Let’s get it on” reference but there is a part that says “Since we got to be, Lets live (I love you)” and you guessed it, I am staring a hole in Fred Flintstone and I actually say out loud… “I Love You”. You WHAT!? J Oops.

He is in the big blind and I am one off the button. Everyone folded to me, so what the heck, I have an A7 Spades and I would normally just let this hand go in a limit game because it is so easily beaten by so many hands post flop, but, hey it’s me and Fred and we are in love in Vegas. I say Fred, let’s make this our own private dance, I raise! The button calls, the small blind folds and Freddy sees the flop with me. I flop the slot machine, J77 rainbow. I actually say “WOW” Fred makes a 15 dollar bet and I turn to the button and say, “This is a private dance”, I raise, make it 30. I get an odd look from the button and he re-raises. Fred says “ok smart alic, you want to dance”? Re-raise! I say “awe Fred”, I raise and that is cap. All told, we now have $280.00 in the center. I am a little worried that one of these guys has pocket jacks. Please, don’t let it be Fred at least. The turn brings a 4 of clubs, there is now a flush draw on deck and the betting is still three-way and it caps again. I am now REALLY worried. We have put in another $450.00 and the pot is at $730.00. With 2 players, I am positive I am behind now.

I won a couple of small pots before this disaster, but I still only have $320.00 left of my original $500.00 and small pre-disaster profits. The river brings an ace of diamonds and Fred actually says “shit check” I do love this guy! I have 2nd nuts. (If he has pocket aces I am going to make him rich because I am getting in as many bets as I can). I look at the button and say, “do you have an ace?” while I bet out 30 bucks. My heart races when he says, “I sure do, make it $60.00. Fred stammers for like 5 minutes and I say “Fred, your done…fold already” STOP calling me “Fred” asshole and I had you dominated before you got your lucky ace on the river! He folds KK face up in the much and the dealer shouts SIR, we still have players to act after you. I am sorry but he is really making me mad! I say “Hey, it’s just poker, nothing personal.” “Fuck You!” The dealer says ENOUGH of that! I smile at Fred and say “raise”, the button re-raises and we go back and forth *unlimited because we are heads up now. All my money goes in. $320.00 more for both of us and the pot ends up at $1460.00 total.

I short called the last bet, so I say “it’s yours to show boss”. He flips over an Ace and a Jack, “Top two pair “BOSS””. That is good for second place and I show him the 7, I look at Fred and say I didn’t need this as I show him the Ace. The table roars, I toss the dealer five reds and I get started stacking when I hear “Nitrox 2/5 No Limit”. That’s my train, thanks for the game everyone. The button reached below and handed me two empty racks and said “Nice hand man”, what a nice thing to say, “That is a classy thing to say, good luck”.

Look for part three and we will see if Nitrox is Boss at No Limit also.


* The dealer actually makes a mistake here because the hand didn’t start heads up so the bets should have been capped at four raises but who am I to correct the dealer.

Three Jacks Won’t Play Part I….

Three Jacks Won’t Play Part I….

Well folks our story begins and where do you think we find our wayward warrior tonight? Yes, I know it sounds strange but there I was in the number three seat in the 2/5 no limit game at the Bellagio poker room. I will set the stage a little by reminding all but the most constant reader that this is a no limit hold’em game however, you are only allowed to buy in for $200.00 and no more, if you bust down below $100.00 you can re-buy for another $200.00. There are normally 4 or 5 tables going all but the last being “must move” to the main game. The important thing to note here is that as players move through the sub games they are building up chips, so the stacks at the last or “Main Game” are normally massive. This format is used to insure that at any given time of the night there is one full game being feed buy the other games.

As I said I was in seat number three of the 1st game or rather five tables away from the main action and had just bought in for my $200.00 starting I had some work to do. My normal strategy in the game is to play very loose and aggressive similar to the tact I would take at a final table of a tournament or sit and go that only paid 1st. you MUST acquire chips to be effective later. The main difference here is that I can reload at anytime, so with out the fear of death I allow my aggression to peak in the early going. I want to push the table around for a couple of reasons, the first of which is to connect some very powerful starters or fill suited connectors getting all of my money in with two or three players and triple up. This will give me enough bullets to start playing my normal aggressive style and allow me to put the slightly larger stacks at this early table to some tough decisions. The second thing this does is establish a very loose and wild table image, particularly if I get busted when I don’t fill and the other players see me go broke playing rags. They are getting out their fishing tackle even if I am successful and win they are likely to want to break the “lucky tourist” and I get some really nice calls later when I am playing my solid A game and all the sudden I have the goods this time.

The fact that I am a little loud and like to crack some jokes at the table helps my image, I often try to pick out a player at the table and assign a nick name, from then on that is their name and I use it A LOT, especially AFTER they tell me their real name. I spotted my straight man right away, a skinny balding man, welcome to the game “Barney”. “Nice hand Barney”, “Nice bet Barney”… WHY do you keep calling me BARNEY!? Oh come on! No one has ever told you that you look just like Don Knotts? You know Barney Fife? No? Wow! The table roars with laughter, everyone except Barney, I may not look like Brad Pitt but, who the hell is this guy? I will get a big call from him later when he “shows” me. I will have the stone nuts when he does but that’s life in Mayberry RFD.

Back to the game at hand. I make a couple of pretty strong moves with some pretty marginal holdings and end up with a pretty strong hold on the table. I have worked myself up to around $350.00 with out any real confrontations. I still need to make a big score to get healthy and settle in for the night. $350.00 is nice, but I am more than happy to risk it all for a possible $900.00 stack (See Plan: A). I am on the button and 26 people limp for $5.00. I look 3 & 4 of clubs I should call here and see how it flops. This could be good, yea RIGHT. Make it look like $20.00! The small blind folds the big blind raises to $40.00! Hey this is my show buddy, two callers and here I am, I call $20.00 because hey, I am getting odds now right? I always say that right before I do something really dumb. We get a flop that looks like J,5,7 with 2 clubs. Not Bad, flush draw and an outside straight draw, I am sure I own the straight because who else would be dumb enough to be playing cards that small in a double raised pot? I don’t get to think very long about what I am going to do here because the big blind counts out the rest of his chips and says “I am all-in!” Well of course you are! Fold, fold, ok Mark, NOW what? I go in the tank and finally decide that I am going to call junior and I know just what I am going to say. Last year in the World Series a buddy of mine went in with AQ and none other than Daniel Negreanu called him with a suited 3 and 4 and named his hand before he went in, “I really hope you have something like an Ace and Queen.” How cool is that! Jason didn’t think it was that cool when Danny caught a four on the turn and it was off to the free Binions buffet for him. Now I try to act like “player of the year” and I look at the kid and say the same thing. I call.

Well, as you can imagine, it didn’t work for me the same way it didn’t for Negreanu. The kid didn’t show me an Ace and a Queen; he flipped over JJ for a set. I said what I always say, “looks like you are in big trouble kid” and showed him my disaster. The Gods were happy a club on the turn and the red faced kid was out of the poker room before the river hit, the board could have paired you know. Oh well. I had my stack and was off to war.

Mark, The Pro, A King & A Deuce....

This is a story about a hand, I love this story and after reading it you will know why. The picture gets painted like this, I have been playing in the 2/5 NL game at the Bellagio and I was doing pretty well for that game I bought in for $200.00 and as I was racking my checks I had filled the fourth rack and had 20 or 30 odd chips left over.

It was 5 handed and the rest of the guys were doing the same as I was getting ready to leave but taking hands in the process, it was 4:30am and I am sure most of them had been there as long or longer than I had, I got there around 9:00 after taking my Lucy to dinner and tucking her away in the room for the night.

It doesn’t matter sometimes you just don’t want the game to brake, one more hand, one more opportunity for catch that big starting hand and that domination only a poker player knows. This however was not to be that hand, K2 diamonds under the gun, I limped. I know I know but hey it was suited, it was short handed and hey it was 4:30 in the friggin morning for crying out loud. I guess everyone felt the same way we were 5 handed when Linda dealt the flop.

Well Well Well… I really am the luckiest man alive I ALWAYS say that at the poker table, what people don’t know is that I am talking about my girls. I have the most beautiful, intelligent & most appreciative girls a man could ever ask for and if I lost every pot I was in from now til the end I would smile and tell you the same thing, so there is never a way for me to lose and that makes me very dangerous if I end up in your pot.

Anyway, there it was just as big as Montana KK5 holy shit batman. Small: check, Big: check, your hero: check, the two others make it unanimous. Let’s see the turn, this is too much a 2 comes. Well folks we have the hidden full house and you know what is most likely going to happen, no bets no action. Well screw that I am going to make it look like I am at least stealing it, I bet the pot, fold, CALL, fold, fold.

So here we are heads up and waiting for the river. The man that called? I won’t use his real name here because I would really like it if he didn’t use mine if things were reversed. Let’s just call him Mike. Mike is a working pro and at the time he was rated 134th by card player magazine. He has had some decent tournament finishes but I suspect most of his income comes from the Bellagio poker room, the lions share cut from tourists swimming in the friendly appearing but shark infested waters of the 2/5 NLHE game. It really is funny to watch the fish, they figure that they saw poker on TV once and this really doesn’t look all that complicated does it? All of the sudden Barney from Boise is forced to make a decision for what amounts to a month and a half of pay checks back home. What he doesn’t know is he is already on ice, drawing stone cold dead. Gus Hansen won a million dollars on the travel channel with his pair of 3s, Barney doesn’t know until all his vacation money is adrift in the green felt Bermuda circle, Johnny Grinder made the nuts on the turn and is only milking the last of the money that was earned in a hardware store in Idaho. It sure didn’t go this way on TV and what the hell am I going to tell my sleeping wife upstairs in the morning? Welcome to the poker room Barney, come back real soon and the game rolls on.

Ok I know I got side tracked and that was a long walk to the river but here we are, Linda peals a 6 off. I reach into the rack now and I grab a row of 5 dollar chips, that’s $100.00 Barney. Mike raises my hundred with another hundred, he brings it out two handed like his hands are on springs. Interesting and I though I was walking down this river road all alone. I look and Mike has about three racks left after his last hostility, I have around $1800.00 and we definitely have established a fork in the road. I am either going to go get the money in the middle which belongs to me and we move on to the next dance or we blow this thing up, someone gets their head chopped of and I’m not Barney.

I don’t have THE hand but I am feel damn good about the ground I am standing on, sometimes in poker you have to just assume you are there and yes there are a couple of really nasty hands out there that can make yours look like a little school girl, but how likely is it and if you go into the dark and do find that monster waiting for you, hey that’s poker. Besides if you need the stone nuts to make your move every time then your going to die with a full tank of gas and cobwebs on your balls. SCREW that I’m firing and I’m alive, playing not watching. Yea sometime I lose but I win a lot more than those tight rocks waiting for permission from the nuts to go in ever do and besides many fear me (I have a story later for that too) and we all know deep down that is the reason we play, it was never about the money.

Let me just say this first what I said to Mike right before I fired, well I meant it and I was sincere in my heart toward him, some of the tribe I play with don’t believe me, but it’s true. Mike is a nice kid and he is grinding a living out doing something he loves, I respect him for that, I have been blessed by god in this life and I have more than enough for me and my girls, again the money just keeps score. What I really need to beat you and own your soul on that civilized battlefield of poker, to dominate, to win! I didn’t need mikes rent money to do that. So I looked right at him until he held my gaze and I said “Mike, DON’T follow me into this pot!” I pulled the trigger and four racks hit the center, “I move in”. Sure I smiled a little, the Gods were happy and for that moment in time I was king and it was a nice place to sit.

Mike was NOT happy; didn’t I know who he was? Was I so stupid not to realize that a professional poker player isn’t going to call all the way to the end and then re-pump without the goods. WTF who the hell was this guy anyway, advising me on which pots I should and should be in, the name is Nitrox and Nitrox is Boss but that is also another story.

To make matters worse for my young friend a crowd was forming; I know 4:30 in the morning, poker players huh? Still they were there about 15 of them all waiting for Mike’s response, they would need to wait. Mike went into the tank, poker players call it that when someone takes a long time deciding on their hand, derived from the term think tank I suppose, anyway Mike struggled recounting the action in his head, Linda the dealer is a true professional sitting with the remainder of the deck spread, hands in her lap, staring forward into space without a care in the world who won. I have been friends with Linda for a long time and she is a true pro in every sense, however she did care who won, not only do I treat her and the other dealers in my game with respect, I take care of the dealers when I hit and she knows I do, so deep down inside this impartial poker professional I know a little voice was chanting “Call.. Call... Oh Mike you are in the deepest water and Mark holds the hammer, please call” She also knew that if Mike won and took down that almost $4000.00 she would get two bucks from him if she was lucky.

That is one thing I hate about “PROs” they don’t tip well because it takes down their hourly rate, it is a business you know! When you say that you sound like a punk, I own a multi-million dollar computer business with over 40 employees and they ALL get a bonus on top of their regular pay EVERY month, even the guy who cleans the bathroom gets some love. Mine is a business too, I am just a better boss than you.

More waiting, I had given him enough time. “Come on Mike, stay or go” he continued to stare me down, I put my palms up and shrugged “I made the bed already what can I tell ya?” Mike had one more trick left, he showed me his cards, a 3 and 4 and said “I have the nut straight! SWEET all my money was in and I was winner no matter what, no more worries about that case King with a 5 or a 6. I was changing my attitude though this was a little much, I was playing solid and I even honestly told him not to call, but you want to yank my chain like this? Turn the page, now I want the money Mike! Your just pissing me off now!

So I take a page from the art of war…..

All warfare is based upon deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Now let’s break this little smart ass….

I shift in my seat as much as I can and try not to over play it, he is looking at your eyes Mark, look away, look back quick like you caught yourself and you don’t want him to know that those cards scare you. Briefly compose yourself and then act STRONG, the rule of thumb in poker is that a player is showing you the opposite of what they want you to believe (see “Art of War”) so here I need to dance a little, what does he think, I think, he thinks and so on.

Nice hand Mike, second best, but nice! The fact that no flush is possible is giving him confidence; the fact that I seem nervous is enhancing that feeling. He is discounting the two kings because even if I have a king he has that door nail shut and the rest of the board is little cards. Who plays King Little? Who is John Galt? Mike feels like he has set the perfect trap like only a seasoned pro like him could, play middle and little suited connectors in multi-way pots and when they connect hope for a big card, a tourist with a premium hand like AK, spread the napalm and pick up the bodies. Hey nothing personal it is a business you know.

Time to add the cherry to my pain sundae, a little more nervous this time, damn it Mike this is bullshit! I turn to Linda and say “put the clock on him” She calls for the floor person, who never shows up, big surprise there, I don’t care if he comes or not just that Mike thinks I need it. The thought here for Mike is “The guy has seen my cards so the more nervous he is the better for me, if I was beat he would be fine to just wait until I hang myself”. I need to play it just right here, he needs to “detect” my discomfort for the puzzle to fit, so I keep making little cuts in myself hoping that his superior poker sense can smell the blood and fear. Mike, I have to take a piss I will be right back, I didn’t have to, just then he says;

No wait …..

I call

I flip over my rags that turned to riches and say “I think I have you covered.” The railbirds roared including Mike’s running buddy Ryan, “How in God’s name could you not know he was rolled up?” Hey shut up Ryan at least he was playing you were only watching. Me? I am off to throw $100.00 bills at Lucy she loves it when I do that.

Epilog:

Last September I went to Las Vegas with some of the poker tribe I play with Jason, Gavin & I were there with Johnny Z. celebrating how friggin old he is and so the first night we are there guess where we end up? Yea I know tough guess, so we are playing in the 2/5 NL game at the Bellagio and who of all people gets moved into our game? Hey how are you doing, I am friendly with everyone at the table, it’s just more profitable to be that way. He takes one look at me and says “Oh you, Mr. King & 2” the tribe just smiled “oh, so that’s the guy!” I may have told them that story a couple of times too many. I guess he may have taken some ribbing from his fellow pros for a while after the computer guy from Denver came and erased Microsoft Money off his hard drive that night. I said; Awe come on Mike I brought all that money right back here to give back to you, honest.

The whole thing has become a big joke with the tribe and we play around with the K2 now for fun, so if I am in your game and a King and a Deuce hit the board…

“Don’t follow me in”

See you in the Ring

Mark

Stories Stories Stories ….

I start today writing about the great adventure “Mark & Texas Monster” not really because I am so good at cards or the stories are all that spectacular, more because I am just a regular guy just like you and this is what happened to me when I tried it. The only thing I can compare it to is those sports blooper deals where the guy tries a jump and ends up getting racked in the nuts and humiliated and the viewers LOVE it, mainly do to the fact that it wasn’t them getting racked. Hey Billy-Bob now that is funny shit.

Seriously as always I am writing only for me and I lord knows I am not getting paid for this stuff so if you like welcome to being twisted like me drop me a note. If you don’t like it go somewhere else www.iliketocomplaintbuthavenevermadeamoveofmyown.com might be better for you.

So without any more introduction needed these are my stories: